Life on the Road

Well here it is a blog post, I know it has been some time since I have been able to sit down and really write anything, which sucks because I feel like I have a lot to say…and I’m sure it’s nothing really important, I just feel the need to talk, or write in this case and read….well you might read but either way my medium size butt…which is no longer that big any more is going to write.

So what have I been up to since the last time I posted?  Which from the looks of things it was forever and a day ago, and for all of you that take the time to read this I’m sorry that it has been so long since my last post. So this is what’s up, I have been working two jobs, which are on the total opposite ends of the world. I drive all the way north to go all the way south, and two jobs on the opposite ends of the world doesn’t really leave much time for anything….I get up, drive to work up north, work, drive to my other work down south, drive home, somewhere in the middle, maybe get a little snack in for dinner and go to bed to start it all over again. Now please don’t get me wrong I’m very grateful l to have two jobs and trying to make my way, but as you can tell it doesn’t leave a lot of time to sit down and write or to work out, or really much time for anything. Yet with this new found lifestyle of mine it does bring up some very interesting obstacles, such as eating on the go and working out. Which lets’ face it are two key factors to losing weight eating right, staying active, living a better life style…ok that’s three things I listed but I think you understand where I’m going with all of this, and that is, I’m not really doing any of these very well…I mean I’m still working on doing them but I am having to re-teach myself how to do it all again with my new schedule. What I can tell you though is now I really do understand why so many people stop at fast food places to eat…yes, it is quick and it is easy and they are everywhere, and if your always on the go you have food at your fingertips all the time. The call to fast food is strong when you don’t have time to sit down and eat or go home to eat. Yes, I have had my moments where I have given in to the call of fast food, its a weakness of mine, it’s fast and it’s easy and last but not least, face it there are times that I’m just too lazy to even want to stop and fix something.  P.S. Soap Box moment coming up

This is what I don’t get why can’t there be healthy choices at fast food places…like a fast food salads place I can just drive in order a salads and call it good…why do I have to get out of my car?  As much as people are on the go do resturants really think I have time to stop and do this? No I don’t. I should be able to stay in my car get it and go.  Although some fast food places offer salad (supposedly fresh) are they really and the choices they offer is limited.  Why is it that they only fast food sandwich shop is Jimmy Johns?  And not all of them offer the drive thru option.  Why do have to go in and get it? I say that we should start a new trend a healthy fast food restaurant on the go.  In today’s society eating right and staying healthy has become a major issue that I think it would be a hit.  Just my opinion and my soapbox moment is done.  Thank you for listening…well reading my ramblings.

Anyway back to my original issue.  I have no time and eating on the go. Despite my momentary down fall and giving in to fast food, I think I have done very well trying to find a way to eat healthy and still be able to be on the road and go from one job to another.  How?.. you may ask…(pause for dramatic effect)…I take the time to pack my lunch, yes, that is right I pack my lunch and breakfast and dinner and snacks…really anything to eat I pack. I have a little tote bag full of food, and for the most part it is all healthy stuff, I think every now and again it’s ok to put a little unhealthy in there give into the temptation if you will, remember all things in moderation.  Now I will say that the nice thing about being able to pack my lunch is the amount of money I save.  Well…but not really cause I’m at the gas station every other day and at this point I think that I have begun a new relationship…but really, I do save a lot money and I eat ten times better.  I eat lighter, good tasting foods. Best snacks in the world apples and a little bit of cheese and have I mentioned the Avocado.  OMG I might be addicted to these damn things and you laugh but let me explain this strange addiction it might boarder on the I might need an avocado intervention or help group

This is my avocado addiction to begin with I have to have them if I don’t I just don’t feel right, its like the are a drug or something a healthy drug but a drug… (Again this is going back to the food addiction but it’s a good food addiction).  Anyway. yes I am that person who is crazy enough to pay the $1.60 for one, yes just one of those wired green looking fruits, and it’s a good thing they taste so damn good because normally I’m not one to eat things that are green. I’m sure you can imagine how happy I get when its like 10 for $10 that is that moment you want to jump in the air and yell “Score” but you don’t, you reframe but on the inside you are jumping around with excitement. I mean those damn avocado growers and distributers have got me hook…they are like my drug dealer hook line and sinker they got me. Damn them and their, oh so good food.

So yes, my avocado addiction, my looking like a bag lady with my backpack and my bag full of food this is my life right now. Either way I’m making it work and when I do have that moment of weakness its always in moderation, but for the most part I’m staying away from really heavy foods and eating light and healthy, and keep pushing forward.

You know on a side note, the other day I was shopping getting my food for the week and have started to notice a change in prices on food, being that I am on a budget I look to see the best deals and prices and all that fun stuff, and this is what I have noticed.  It is truly starting to become cheaper to get healthy foods vs. the unhealthy things, or its getting to a point where I’m starting to look at the bags of chips and preprocessed food and ask myself hmmm do I really want to eat this or for what I’m spending here can I get something better and take the time to make it and have food for a couple days. I know the option to eat healthy and the option to make my food when I can is becoming stronger yes I’m using “The Force” the force of eating right. The point I’m trying to make on this whole eating thing is. It still amazes me how much I have changed when it comes to food, I still have week points and I’m human it’s going to happen I except that, but the fact that I have gone from eating just crap to really thinking about what I’m eating, what I’m putting into my body and how I’m going to feel about it later is the amazing part. I don’t know if its old age or just retraining myself all I know is it is very COOL!!!!

PS PEEPS IF YOU HAVNT FIGUERED OUT THIS IS GOING TO BE A LOOOONNNNGGGGG POST I’M TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME!!!!!!

Moving on to me working out………………………………………………………………………..my silence says it all. No but really I am still staying very active I still take the stairs and luckily with my second job I’m running around moving boxes and up on my feet so even though it’s not an insanity work out it is still a workout it gets my body moving, and a body in motion means…I don’t know I can’t come up with something cleaver to say, so it means the fat is melting away, and really that’s all that matters.  Now what I really need to work on is coming up with a workout routine that I can do at my desk while I’m at work at my first job that is not going to make everyone in the office stop and look at me and be all “What The Hell Are You Doing” but I figure if I’m spending most of my time at work or on the road I should be able to multitask while I’m doing both. I mean who says you can’t flex a butt cheek here and there while doing a squat when your getting in and out of your chair. Or better yet trying to keep your core muscles tight and hope that counts as a work out as well. Then of course there is the dancing in the car while you are stuck in traffic that is not moving. I mean if I’m spending so much time in the car I should try and to make the most out of the situation.   So why not do a little butt wiggling while I’m sitting, again anything to help take that fat away and get in a small work out. Although it is noting compared to doing an Insanity work out or even doing a Zumba work out but it is better then nothing. Now yes, some of you might being saying... why don’t you just get up early in the morning and do a workout.   My answer to that very good questions is….I suck at getting up in the morning, I am not a morning person I am a night person a 100% I think the other name for that might be vampire, with out the blood drinking and being dead crap that goes with it. So mornings are not my thing at all, but given what little time I do have to workout, I am going to have to make the commitment to myself to get up in the morning and start working out, and yes I’m putting it in my blog so not only do I have to hold myself to this but I feel that by putting this on here as well it will just push me to carry this out. I mean hell if I want to keep losing weight and get back to a normal body shape so I don’t look so uneven and awkward, and I say this because I have noticed that the damn fat doesn’t come off all at the same time it’s a little here and a little there and some more here, and by the time you decide to take a look in the mirror you noticed that one side is smaller then the other, that one side is toning up a lot better then the other side and you look uneven. Which in turn makes buying clothes and wearing cloths a little hard to do, and on top of that, as much as I am for the whole positive thinking and finding something good to say about yourself and don’t get me wrong I think that it is something very important to do. I will admit that at this point right now in this awkward body shape that I am in, it is very hard for me to look at myself and be happy with what I see. Yes I’m very pleased with myself for losing the weight and yes all of these changed that I have accomplished in this past year have been amazing and I know that I am a better person for it, and all of that is good, there is that part of me, and yes this may sound a bit vain but I want my outside to reflect all the amazing changes I have made on the inside. That whole “beauty is with in” I whole heartedly agree with that…yet I would also like that to show on the outside as well, you know it would be nice from time to time. So really in theory the whole getting up in the morning and working out would totally help this out. So I’m sold, time to suck it up become a morning person and workout.

Well I guess this will lead me to one more point…The whole living a healthy lifestyle and again I don’t really think I’m doing that very well.  Here is why I HAVE NO TIME TO DO ANYTING!!!!!!! Sorry, as you can tell I just needed to scream this out, but I really don’t have time, and what time I might have I’m to damn tired. To me this is not a very healthy lifestyle I truly believe that you need to be able to have time to go and do the things you love to do you want to do, hang out with friends and family laugh a little and kick up your heels so to speak. In which case there is not a lot of kicking my heals up and hanging out with my friends. Laughing how ever does happen depending on the people that I’m working with……………….You know from the get go I have said that I’m putting everything on the line for this blog.  Opening up and letting you all in to my world, which is always hard being that I am a shy person, so in truth I feel that I would be lying to you and myself if I was not honest in this little section of my life style, and really tell you how it is and how I’m doing, and here it is. I’m soooo tired all the time my body hurts because I go from one extreme to another….sitting all day to standing all night. I have no energy to do anything, I don’t go out with friends because who wants to hang out with someone who is tired, and to be honest pissed and unhappy?? I wouldn’t!   I don’t want to deal with myself right now.   To be honest I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel that things will work out in the end, that this feeling I have is just another wall to break down another life lesson to learn. Yet it is the strangest feeling to be in a room full of people and to feel so alone because you have missed out on so many things, and it makes me sad. I get so upset and frustrated and have more breakdowns then I can count and start crying for no reason, I am an emotional wreak. I have come so far to be facing this same unhappy road again. I have always believed that life doesn’t give you obstacles that you can’t over come, so I know that I can over come this and for all I know that being placed in front of this road again is to only show myself that its not the same road and even if it is I am not the same person and I can fight this, I can walk through this and it not effect me the same way. Please know I’m not telling you all this because I want sympathy because in truth I don’t.  I have to be open with myself and my get feelings out, but I also want to open up about this because I know that I can’t be the only person who feels this way, or who is in a position that is very similar to mine, and I know that some times its just nice to know that yes other people have this same damn issue. It sucks and it’s not a good life style choice and I know from past experiences that if you’re not carful it can consume you.  I guess I’m putting this out here to not only remind myself that we all have these times, these hardships because without them you can’t enjoy all the great things that happen in life.  To remind myself that it’s ok to cry, to have a breakdown.  It means you’re being honest with yourself, you know what is going on is not right, and you have to face it to change it.  In my heart I know that although I might feel alone, I know I’m not, I know that I have amazing family and friends who are there and supporting me. I was talking to one of my co workers today about the saying “when life give you lemons, you make lemonade” and I told him I don’t get that saying, because lemons are bitter and if you just squeeze out those lemons all your left with is bitter juice…what missing from this saying is you need the sugar to make it sweet to make it lemonade.  So it got me to thinking, that right now I have had some lemons thrown at me, and yes right now things are a little bitter, but there are so many things that have happened, and that will happen that will make it sweet.  Sometimes you just need to put a little TLC and time into the lemonade to make it amazing. SO to sum up this whole rambling on about my lifestyle, well it sucks its not good, and I need to change it, and yes I am working on things to try and change it as I’m writing this…well ok not right at this moment because I’m writing, but I think you all know what I mean.

Ok well I think we have come to the end, according to my page count I’m up to 4 pages sorry for the long ass post but I wanted to fill you all in in the life that is Nikki. So ‘til next time which I hope won’t be as long, enjoy life and all it has to offer, keep pushing onward and upward and reminder sometimes you just need to let go and trust the process and before you know it the fog will clear and these bad moments will just be that a moment that you lived and learned and kicked its ass. …..

McKnight out.