Why Helloooooo my friends, how are we all doing? I’m doing
very good been keep very busy so really nothing has changed from the last time that we
talked…well I talked and by take I mean wrote and you so very kindly read.
Although I have been very busy I did however find time to go and buy some new
jeans. Now for me this is never a good thing, I love to shop but I don’t like
to go and buy clothes for myself. It has always been a hard thing for me to
deal with. I can’t find anything that fits right and all I every see is how
“fat” I am its drama and total sucks ass. Yet this time it was different its
was great and I will tell you why, well to start with I’m not Fat any more…I
still got some curves and I’m cool with that, and that is the big differences
from the times before, I didn’t have curves it was more like just a blob like a
scary blob, like I could have stared in the movie. Yeah its cool I know its not
the nicest things to say about myself…but lets face it, who I was then is not
who I am now, and to be honest I don’t ever want to go back to that person, so
in other words I feel its ok to refer to myself like that…it’s the old me the
effed up in the head me…Ok I’m still a little messed up in the head but not
nearly as bad now, we all have a level of crazy its just a matter of what leave
you are on…I feel that I have moved down a level now. Anyway this experience of
buying some jeans, there is noting better in the world then walking into a
store and being able to buy a size smaller in jeans. Its one thing to go and
pick the size you “think you are” go into a fitting room and trying to fit in
those smaller clothes, now I don’t know if other people go through this when
they are in a fitting room but it always seems like a little bit of an ordeal,
but I always go through the same steps you think I would have this mastered by
now. Let me explain how this goes down for me, and PS I’m sure that its only in
my head that this happens, but if anything this is how I feel its happening.
1. Walk
into the store and pick out what you want to buy. This sounds super easy but
don’t’ be fooled my friends it is not, and this is why. First of all you have
to find the one little sliver of a section that a store has dedicated to pulse
size girls. Then once you do find this small spot that if you take two steps to
the left you are in “petite misses” and two steps to the right and your back into
“juniors” I’m not really sure where “Fat girl” pants fit in that area but
that’s where its at. Yet once you find this area you are now plagued with deciding
if you want to wear no offense to any of the moms out there but I think you
will understand when I say “Mom Jeans” or clothes that your great grandma will
wear Apparently big girls can’t have anything that looks in style or with in
this decade, I have a lot to say about the fashion world and big girls but lets
hold off on that one it might take 3 pages just for that.
2. Go
the dreaded fitting room, which is really where the truth comes out if you can
really fit in what you picked out or if you were just dreaming. Now to me
fitting rooms are always a bit of an adventure, because you never know what
your going to get when you walk into one. For example you will either have one
of two fitting room sizes big enough to move around in and be able to check
your self out in the mirror, or two you will get stuck in the room that the
only way you can move around is by doing the shuffle step in a circle and don’t
bend over you don’t know what will pock you in the butt. In any case the small
room is by far the worst fitting room that you can get pushed into, its like
being told it’s a one size fits most…I happen to be the person out side of
“most” category.
3. Now
its that moment of truth time to do they fit or do they not fit that is the
questions, weather you have to jump or squat to pull them over you butt, to
suck in your gut or to lie on the floor to get them buttoned come hell or high
water you will do everything you can to fit in the smaller size of two pairs of
jeans you bring in with you.
4. Once
you have gotten into the jeans you do the automatic butt check, turn around an
look to see how you butt looks in your pants is the damn my butt looks big
moment or damn I have a sexy ass, and for some reason you have to check out
both sides look to the left look to the right. Then I do what I like to call
the “sit” test, and that is the whole if I sit down in these pants will I be
able to breath and do I run the risk of the button popping off and going flying
across the room and taking an eye out, because its all fun and games until some
one loses an eye. Then once you figure out that is not going to happen you can
either walk out of the fitting room total happy with your self because you did
fit into the size smaller, or you leave fill a little let down because you are
still in fat girl pants, and decide that you are going to go pay for your fat
girl pants and then go get a some ice cream to make it all better.
Now that you know my shopping habits let me explain to you
that I went into the store and for the first time in god knows how many years
walked into the store and bought two pairs of jeans that were a size 18 and to
top it of one of them was a pair of skinny jeans yes that’s right I got skinny
jeans. It was like a shinning moment for me not going to lie did the happy
dance in the dressing room why because I can and no one was going to stop me. It
was awesome being able to walk out of that room it was like I was on cloud nine
I had hit the jackpot, but this came a great time for me too. I have hit that
infamous Plato and running out of steam to keep pushing forward, have been at
the same weight for the past several months, just very stagnate and it get
frustrating I needed something and what better thing to keep you going forward
then having that moment of being able to buy something smaller to know you look
good in what you are wearing. Then I think the best booster happened when I
went to a Halloween party now I will admit I have worn the same costume for the
past several years its easy I have all the pieces that go with it, I like it
and I can throw it together and in a matter of 10 min and I’m out the door. The
thing that has changed this year…I look HOT!!!! There really is no other way to
put it. I mean who knew that I could pull off skinny jeans and high heels and
even my normal top that I wear looked damn good, it was the first time on
Halloween that I felt amazing in my costume. Then to be able to go the party
and to see people’s reaction and hear how good I looked and all of that, its
amazing and it helps to find that strength to keep pushing forward.
So with this new found energy to keep pushing forward I have
set a new goal for myself and keep in mind holiday season is quickly
approaching, but I have set a goal to lose another 20 pounds by the Dec 31st
and end 2012 with a bang. I have eaten my last fast food sandwich on Halloween,
it was like my own trick or treat….trick now you see this hamburger now you
don’t…where did it go you ask…well that is where the treat comes in…Its in my
belly…said in my best “Fat Bastered” voice. So again no fast food…and I really
am going to hold myself to this I’m only cheating myself when I don’t fallow
through. So goal lose 20 pounds in two months, no fast food for the next two
months, self control over the holidays I don’t have to eat all the food in one
sitting there will be leftovers for the next day…said no one ever…no but really
self control over the holidays. I’m going to do this, it will happen and I will
look amazing for New Years Eve!!!!
So tell next time keep pushing forward and keep fighting to
accomplish your goals.
Looking Hot in my skinny jeans girl out.
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