Let see where did we leave at... Oh yeah, My nana had just passed away, she got me when no one else could, and she loved me when I wasn't able to love myself. I always kick myself in the ass because all she ever wanted was to see me happy again, and it crazy because it took losing her and two years later to finally remember what being happy feels like. With in the same month of losing her My brother got married to the love of his life, and about two weeks after that, the guy that I was with and broke up with me because he couldn't handle the long distance and was to scared to take the leap and move to Califonia with me, which in many was is understandable not everyone can do what I did. Although I couldn't see it back then, but in a lot of ways us breaking up was the best thing that could have happen to us, no we are not together, but our friendship and love for each other is strong then it ever was when we were together. If anything I have found that some people who come in your life are meant to be in your life, no matter how hard you try to push them away or walk away something always pulls you right back to them, and maybe it's better to except that then to keep fighting. Shortly after all that happened, I moved into a house with several of my guy friends, I think I could have made a sitcom out of it called 3 gay guys and a straight girl. Let me give you a little insight to that one. There was me, one of my roommates who wa the youngest, and not gay, the younger brother to one of the boys. Another roommate who was gay, and then the two others who were a couple and yes gay, and where all Mexican. All living in a well basically a double wide trailer. With 3 bed rooms, that is until we added a room. Needless to say I in many ways ended up being the mom of the group, and all though they drove me crazy from time to time. They ended up being my family out in Bay, and talk about some good memories made. Like our BBQ nights on the patio, walking into the house to see one of my roommates dancing in his underwear with the strobes lights going. Going to Pride and Folsome St fair with them...all thought there are things from both of those events I wish I could unsee. I found, love, family and friends with those boys. They were there when I hit my lows and when things were bad at work, and they were there when I found out that I got the job in Vegas, and all though that moment was bitter sweat they were just as excited for me as I was. In January 2016 I moved to Las Vegas to help open our new store, In May I found out that I needed to have my gal bladder removed, and in June it finally came out which from the sounds of it was a good thing, I guess it was worst then what anyone thought it was going to be. Its crazy, one of my biggest fears moving away from my family was always that fear of what happens if I get sick. Well I guess I figured that one out, I found out how much I can hanedel and take care of on my own, and both my mom and my dad came out to help get me through the sugary and back on my feet. Which appertnly the McKnight rehab goes a little something like this, two days out and sleep after sugary, first day back to getting up and moving around nice and easy, the next day heading out the Grand Canyon, walking around and climbing some stairs, day two heading into Bullhead city Arizona, surviving 120 degree heat. Walking around Oatman AZ, seeing donkeys just walking around. Have dinner with an uncle drive back to Vegas, and head to work on Monday, by Tuesday even with staples still in stomach, move carts around to clean up back room and show team how things are done, and by We'd run circles around team, and now they can't say to much about how they can't do work.
So that leaves me to know. Here I am, about 2 months after sugary, living in Las Vegas finally in my own place and own space, and honestly loving the life I have. It's crazy it took having to have this sugary to finally get my shit together. Yes I have lost some weight, but the weight is not what I care about. I always though that losing the weight would help me love me again, but the truth is I needed something more then that, the weight didn't mean anything I needed to learn to love the body I have. I have scares now where I was cut into but I also have the start of a stomach that is being define, I have legs that yes still have some chub rub going on, but are fuck sexy as hell, like I have muscle definition, and starting to get a really nice ass, and calfs that are amazing. I have some hella sexy as legs, with no thigh gab and I'm ok with that. I have a back that yes I stil have some back rolls back there, but I also have muscles back and can see where they are and look killer. My arms they can use some work. Yes I still have my bat wings, yet I'm ok with that, because where they might have flown me around the world back in the day we might be lucky to make it Arizona and back lol. I stil have a gut, and some love handles and chubby cheeks, Yet for the first time in a very long, long time I feel sexy in my own skin.
When I started this blog I never thought that I would get to this point, I had always wished that I would get to this point, but I didn't think it would be a reality. Now that I'm here, I don't want to say that my journey is over, on the contrary it's just started. I'll still admit, I'm a fat girl with T-Rex arms and I still love food..yes like a fat kid loves cake...which by the way total had some cake today and it was killer, but even with all of this I'm finally learning how to love me, and that my friends is wher this next chapter of my life and this blog is going to start. So stay tuned you might laugh, and you might cry from laughter but either way I figure at some point I'll put a smile on your face for some of the dumb shit I say because well that's what I do best.
So until the next post which I promos will not be in two years. Enjoy the day and find something to smile about even if it is thinking about my T-Rex arms cause let's be really that shit is funny.
McKnight Out
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