This past week I was on vacation and for the first time ever I went on a trip for me. No family obligations driving the trip and nothing really planned out just a trip for me. I was able to get back up to the Bay to hang out with my EPA Family and as crazy as it may sounds I really needed that time with them and I was also able to bring my friend along that I meat living in Vegas, who I would consider part of my Vegas Family. I never thought that I would build friendships out there that I would consider family, but I have it. I have my "boys" as I call them and to be very honest I'm sure I could write my own sitcom about it....to give you some insight to the house that weekend, It was my self, 7 guys and only one of them is straight, and i'm stilled considered to be Mama Bear of the house, and what i say goes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I total love my boys and the relationship we built while I lived with them when I was in the Bay, and as crazy as it was living in the house there are so many times I wish they were living with me out here. Because who doesn't like to BBQ at 10pm while listing to Mexican Music with the Tiki torches going on the back patio, because we want to make sure we touch on all of our cultures and we can't do anything at normal hours of the day. Any way I got to spend my time with my Boys, I also got to hang out with with several of my peps from work, because who doesn't like having a friend that you can call "guy" all day long, a friend that you can talk about losing weight with eat heathy so you can turn around and order cheesecake after dinner crack jokes not judge each other and basically have an awesome family dinner, and start making plans for them to come out and visit me out here so we can get into some crazy shenanigans now we just need to find that person who will hold on to our bail money cause shit can and will get crazy Guy! Then there is my BFF if you will, she is like my other half, you know its that kind for friend that doesn't judge you, covers your ass when needed, puts you in check when you are losing your damn mind, and you don't have to talk to them for a while, but when you get on the phone and catch up it like 3 hrs long, because its and Islander and a Filipino getting together to talk, basically we never shut the hell up, we are going to get loud because we are talking in our INSIDE VOICE we laugh a lot and when we are around each other I don't really know why but we hit each other in the arm a lot, i mean a lot like go home and wake up with a bruise and i'm not sure why we do that but we do. Apparently its how we show we care about each other "haha". All of these people make up my EPA Family and when it comes down to it I wouldn't change a thing about it and about the friendship that we have. I can honestly say this is a group of people who saw me for me while I was out there, and I learned from them before I came to Vegas its ok for me to be who I am, which is something I was starting to forget being out here. Also in the end I had some great memories that came out of that trip, such as I don't normally get up and sing Karaoke, but I did several different times with not a lot of alcohol in my system which says a lot, I mean a lot. It might have been a good thing that most of those people in the Bar might had have several drinks because i know i sounded like a hot mess, i mean on hot mess. I took my one friend out to SF, and it was his first time ever being there, so we had to do the Trolly ride, and he screamed like a little girl going down the hill which is always funny when the little old asian woman sitting next to him even gave him a what the hell look. We spent over an hour in a tea shop leaning about tea, and about the only thing that we could all talk about was the poop tea and by the way it total tasted like poop too, not like i know what poop taste like but I could imagine that it tasted like that. After our wonderful time up in the bay, my friend and I headed down to SoCal for the day and there is nothing better then spending some time in Santa Monica, I don't know why but for some reason that place holds a special place in my heart and to just be able to sit on the beach and watch the waves clears my head, and it makes e feel small in a good way. Just to be able to sit on that beach look out over the Ocean and think that I am as far west as you can get in the US from that point with out being on an Island, and when I think like that and how big the Ocean is puts things into persecutive, and for the first time in a very long time I had a though come to me that changed a lot, and hear it is...
about 10 years ago I got into a fight with my parents and my dad made a comment to me, that after I was done with college all i'm going to show for everything is a piece of paper and a little red sports car ( which was my little car at the time), and up until I moved to Cali some how that saying would come out in a fight and any time I wasn't able to accomplish anything I would always think that, the only thing that I would have to show for myself was my car and my degree and thats it, there was nothing more to my life but that. I had nothing to show, nothing to talk about my life was boring and to be honest I was living on the side line. When I sat on that beach I saw for the first time in a long time what I had to show all my accomplishments, that I had so much more then that degree and that little red sports car. I have this life full of amazing people and stories. I have lived in Colorado, Alabama, California and now Vegas. I have been on both East and West Coast, and so many places in-between, I have been to Canada and Europe. I still have a little res sports car, and my degree, I also have a career and work for a company that allows me to travel and see the world if I want to. I have had the opportunity to meet some amazing people along the way. I have strength and courage that I never know I had, and i'm ok with me. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but this for me lead to several other things that happened on my Vacation.
After SoCal We headed back home, and I spent 3 days just chilling at home, got my nails done and just relaxed no plans no nothing just chilling and it was amazing just feeling so happy and free. After being home I headed down to Arizona, to meet up with my parents, I was able to spend some time with my mom and dad which is always great. Its always interesting to look back and to see how much i would fight my parents on things because i knew they were right and I didn't want to hear it, but the great thing is my parents have always been there for me through my really really bad times, my struggles with moving and getting use to living away from the family, they have helped moving my ass around in general...(its when my dad and I get to bond, and my bond it normally means he drives the whole time while i sleep the whole time). This time I got to be there for my Dad as he was presented with an amazing award for Special Olympics and LETR, it was so amazing to be there to be able to give something back to my dad and to be able to show support for him. I also got to spend some time with my mom, and just hang out and just sit and talk with her, and you have to understand that when you sit and talk with my mom the shit she says is going to be real, there is no suer coating anything but its what I need to hear and she helps me see things clearly when maybe my emotions are clouding my judgment and there have been somethings going at work that I needed just that my mom to clear somethings up for me, tell me like it is so to speak. The other cool thing about hanging with my parents is although they are my parents is cool to hang out with them, its fun its crazy when you parents go from being your parents to being able to be cool with and have them be your best friend. I don't know when this happened but it total has happened which i'm starting to think that means that i'm getting old. Which the gray hair and the snap cracking and popping in the morning would also be a sign that i'm getting old, because now days i have to use the side of my bed to push my but up and out of bed and even then when I go to walk i have a limp and I can't total stand up right until i make it to the bathroom, i look like the picture of the evolution of man every damn morning. While I was also down in Arizona I was also able to meet up with a good friend of mine, but this meeting was a bitter sweet moment, there is a long history with us and after this past weekend as much as it killed me I realized that I had to walk away from our friendship/relationship that we have because it wasn't good for either one of us at least not good for us right now. I'm not sure why that day I was able to do what needed to be done, where the strength came from, but I think so much of it came from sitting on the beach and maybe the walk through the botanical gardens that morning but I did it. Needless to say it was the longest drive back home there was a lot of crying that happened, and yet a lot of healing and letting go of the past, a lot more self reflecting and redirecting my focus. Its crazy because it hurts having to let go of someone close, yet its healing in away to. Ugh there are times that i think my life is to confusing.
However with all this time to sit and think I feel lighter, happier. I have a new goal set for 2017, where I want to be living and all of that, I 'm learning to love me and the way I look bat wings, thick thighs, curves and everything in-between, its all me and I love it. I'm learning to look at work differently and learning that I can't keep changing me to accommodate people who won't or aren't willing to meet me half way, but I'm willing to learn new things along the way to help shape the person i am becoming. I also have decided that I want to focus on running and try to run a 5K so today i took my first step and started training for that moment, which almost killed me but I did it, and not only did I do it but I kept talking myself up that I could do it I didn't quit and I can't remember the last time I did something like that, however i'm going to need that same kind of talking to when i try to wake up and walk tomorrow, I'm just saying.
Until Next Time
McKnight Out.
PS there is a cricket in my house and I can't kill it cause it'd bad luck if you kill it in your house so i tried to catch it to put it back out side, because i have my apt sprayed for bugs once a month, so i'm trying to save this damn big and it jump at me and I screamed like a little girl and jumped up on my sofa. Yup that just happened. Enjoy the giggle.
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