Burger King, Wendy’s, MacDonald’s,
Del Taco MMMMMM,…..fast food (in my best Homer Simpson voice) as my mouth is
open with drool coming down my chin. Giving
you up for 40 days and 40 nights who would ever break up such a happy
relationship? Oh wait that would be me. Yupp, that’s right after 20 plus years
of continues meetings and late night rendezvous I’m throwing in the towel…saying
goodbye to your French fries. Fried to
the perfect golden brown sprinkled with just the right amount of salt to
enhance that fried goodness. Goodbye onion rings with just the right amount of
onion to batter proportion in one bite.
Se la vie you juicy baconantor with your apple wood smoked bacon. Adios
29 cent tacos that always seemed to have the best proportions of meat, lettuce
and cheese. Its been fun and been great you have always been there for me and
because of your unquestionable dedication to me all of this food has gone
straight to my hips, thighs, stomach and arms…so really anywhere fat can be
stored and saved you went.
Now to put this out there I’m not
Catholic I’m sure if I were I would have been kicked out of the church by now.
However I’m going to take part in this yearly event to give up something that
will be a struggle for me, and to be honest I think that this time of year is
the best time to give up something that you are a little addicted to or want to
try to give up and this is why. EVERYONE IS PISSY THIS TIME OF YEAR!!!!! And it’s
accepted because the majority of people are catholic and we all know that they
are observing Lent and fasting and all of that, and who is really happy to be
giving up something they enjoy? Yet here I am giving up fast food and in
reality it’s the best thing that I could be giving up. It is going to be a
struggle but its going to be a good struggle because in theory by the time I’m
done with this I’m hopping that I will find other things to eat that are as
quick and easy and a lot healthier then fast food. Oh the things I’m doing to
lose the weight, but if you’re not willing to make the life changes then why the
hell put yourself through something like this. My life needs to be lived a little closer to
the edge not way in the back where its safe, and by challenging myself to these
things it just pushing me closer and closer to become the person that I want to
be, I figure that if I complete this challenge I will prove to myself that I
can do anything that I put my mind to. So
with that in mind let’s define what I am going to consider fast food because it
almost seems like anywhere you go the food is served fast. I’m defining anything fast food as anything
that is drive up, so all those greasy cheeseburgers with bacon, yummy French
fries, crispy tacos and everything in between… gone, done, saying au revoir to all of these
delicious fatty foods. Now
I know that some of you might be saying well you can get a salad there, and you
would be right. I could, but I’m a picky salad eater it has to be the right salad
and be cleaned right…like I said picky, and to avoid the temptation altogether
it would be better for me to not have to stop by those places to get something
to eat. So now it’s a matter of rethinking what I want to eat and where, and do
I really want to go into a store to get something to eat or can I get it at
home. I mean if you really think about it not only am I going to be kicking
fast food out but I might end up saving money as well. Well maybe I still have
my Which Wich challenge going on, 50 sandwiches in a year which doesn’t seem like
a lot but there are sandwiches that I’m not to happy to be eating and you can
only eat so many sandwiches before you are sandwiched out…its like the subway diet,
but better cause it’s the Which Wich diet with more options and better ingredients
done the Which Wich way.
SO here we are, now that you know
what I’m giving up, its day two with out fast food so far I’m doing good
avoiding fast food while tempting I’m saying NO! you heathen you can not tempt me with your oh
so delicious onion rings…MMMMM ONION RINGS….Damn it, back on track no fast
food. Although after clogging my arteries on Fat Tuesday you would think that I
would not want to eat fast food anymore, but you would be wrong. Wednesday I
woke up wanted a Wendy’s cheeseburger craving that grease and that crispy bacon
and melted cheese, and Yes I was strong I fought back the urge to eat, although
I still went out to eat it was not fast food I went with the Mediterranean food
route, which was amazing and I didn’t feel like shit after eating it, who knew
you don’t have to feel like crap after eating food.
Now if I can keep this up its going
to be great it will be a breeze which, lets face it the first week is nothing
the second week I might start drooling on myself while watching a fast food commercial
and really do they have to make their food look so damn good…because I’m sorry
but when I order that same meal at the restaurant it never looks the same that lettuce
is not crispy its hot and soggy and its never stacked the same way when you
look it, its really not all that appetizing but yet I still have no problem
shoving it into my big ole pie hole. The third week I might have the whole devil
angel thing going on, so if you seem me talking to myself its cool I’m not
really crazy just fighting with the fat devil on one shoulder saying “DO
IT..YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO EAT IT” and don’t ask me why but he has that Terminator
voice going on and then Skinny Bitch Angle on the other shoulder say “ ALL HELL
NO BITCH, YOU PUT THAT NATSTY SHIT DOWN, YOU WANT TO ALWAYS WIGGLE AND GIGGLE?
DON’T MAKE ME BUST OUT AND BE ALL MAJOR PAIN ON YOUR ASS…..ONE TUBBY TUBBY, BECAUSE
THAT’S WHAT ITS GOING TO SOUNDS LIKE WHILE YOUR WORKING OUT IF YOU EAT THAT
FATTY SHIT” and yes for some reason she has that angry southern black woman’s voice, don’t ask
I don’t know where I come up with this
stuff. By the fourth week my roommate might find me passed out on the living
room floor in a food comma because I managed to sleep drive, by one of
everything off the Wendy’s menu came home and ate everything like a big old
fatty fat. I can see it now fries all around me, chicken nugget crumbs all over
my face ketchup and mustard down the front of my shirt. I mean that would be
the ultimate when sleep eating goes wrong, and by the fifth week lord help you
if you smell like a fast food joint I might end up biting your arm off. But its
cool I’m still gong to stand by my point of I’m not crazy I’m just on Lent.
So for all of you who are giving up
something for Lent stay strong my friends we will get through this together we
will fight back the urges and pass this challenge. For those of you who are not
giving up something its cool but don’t judge me when I come and bite your hand
off because your taunting me by waving fries or a cheeseburger or a damn taco
in my face, because you will be asking me “why would you do something like
that” and I will simply answer “because your stupid ass thought it would be
funny…who’s laughing now”
I may always eat fast food, but
when I don’t it’s because Lent
Fat Girl Out.
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