With all of the changes going on in
my life it seems only fitting that I also be adding to the list starting a new
job. Which is great! something different and something new, but for legal
reason I’m going to go with not indicating who this new company is…and by
chance if you know who I’m working for here is my disclaimer:
(The views & opinions in this
blog are my personal opinions, not that of the company. They should not be taken for anything other
than my personal opinion). Well now that the legal crap is over with shall we
go on?
So I have this new job and their
offices and lockers are up on the third floor, great except for one thing… I
have not been able to find the elevator to take me up to this floor; the only
thing that I have been able to find is the stairs… all 77 of them, now if you
read the post last week I think we all know how I feel about stairs. Yet for
some reason I keep taking these damn stairs twice in one day 144 stairs….144 stairs needless to say: Stairs 1 Nikki 0. These damn stairs are going to be my arch
enemy. Yet I have told myself that I’m going to take the stairs all the time, I
will beat them…with the exception of my break.
I get a 15-minute break and well damn it might take me 15 minutes just
to get to the top of these damn stairs. If I take these stairs I might have to
turn around mid break to make it back to my station in time, I may never see
the light of the break room. Again going to be the death of me!!!!
So with this new job there is a uniform
they make you wear jeans and a shirt and its cool cause they provide the
shirts. So where can you go wrong you might be asking? Well let me tell you my drama… So I started my
orientation this week, now first of all I’m the only girl in this group of 5
not really a problem until it comes to sizing out uniforms. To start all of
these uniforms are based off of European measurements aka not made for short
fat people issue number one. Now with these measurements we are suppose to measure
at your widest part on your torso and this will give you your shirts size. Well
I have two areas to be measured, those of you who do know me I’m sure you can
guess the first one…for those of you that may not, lets just say I’m not
lacking in the chest area, and then there is the issue of my muffin top for
lack of a better word. Really all these means is that to be able to find a
shirt that fits in European sizes doesn’t really happen. Yet here I am in a
room full of guys measuring out my bust size its cool except that no girl
should ever take in their own measurements it doesn’t work, I know I just did
it. So after I take these measurements, that were not small by any means I give
my little paper to the guy and he goes and grabs my shirts and brings them back.
We all proceed to try the uniforms on…. Me,
along with all these hey look I could snap you like a tooth pick boys that I
want to yell at them to eat something and tell them not to wear their
girlfriends jeans.
So I try on a shirt and the
sweater…Now really quick going to paint this picture for you as to how my fat
ass body is shaped, I have gorilla shoulders, T-Rex arms, big ass boobs, and a
wiggle jiggle muffin top…this damn shirt made me look as if I could be the sequel
to the Blob. I could have fit myself and
mini me in this shirt, and the sweater well lets just say it would have been
the highlight in the 80’s if I would have shown a little bit of shoulder. It
was to short; the arms went past my fingertips and looked like I was drowning
in a sea of Yellow. The best part was the very nice guy was all… well take it
home wash it to see if it shrinks up a little bit…PS it didn’t shrink…so
needless to say the next day had to go in and try on 3 different sizes with the
very nice lady who also had much of the same problem as myself made me feel a
little better. Hell I even got a button down that fits….well for the most part
it’s a little tight along my gorilla shoulders, but it’s all good.
All though with all this I still
have a Bright ASS YELLOW shirt, first of all this is the brightest thing I have
in my closet I’m not a bright and shinny person I am a: A) if I wear black it hides
my fat and B) it goes with everything I don’t have to think to much to make
things match because I suck at that. Anyway I have this Yellow shirt that if
you dropped my in the middle of a forest on a pitch black night, and if I climbed
up a tree I could be a beacon for any one lost, its that bright. Its so bright that
the damn wolves would be hollowing at me thinking I was a full moon, that or be
confused with a giant sun shining in the middle of the night…HAHA think of what
that would cause I would be the one to bring about the apocalypse HAHAHAHAHAHAH….I
might just have to do that now just so I could point and laugh at the whack-a-dos
running around.
SO to sum up this week… I’m still
working out and I still hate Insanity…The stairs Kicked my ass several times
and yes I wanted and coke and a cinnamon bun at the top, I have a shirt that
when I put it on I’m as big and bright as the sun…if that idea doesn’t make you
want to lose weight I don’t know what will.
Also on a side note I don’t know what it is but I have decide losing
weight is like being pregnant, and this is why when ladies are prego they crave weird foods, for some reason here I am losing weight and I’m craving things,
except they are not unhealthy things they are like Fish and Salad and I have
never craved that crap…great no one ever told me losing weight would be like
giving birth to fat, just push that shit out, or sweat it out…pushing it my be
a bit awkward and freaky…Ok I’m done.
Until next time keep on shining like the sun
Giant beacon of light girl out
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