You ever have those days when you decide
to take the stairs instead of the elevator? That thought of I got this, its not
that many steps…. You start your journey and at first you feel great, heck you
even have a little hop in your step. First flight of stairs done, only two more
to go! As you start the second flight
you begin to feel the burn in your legs and notice, damn its getting a little hard
to breath, that little hop you had during the first flight is gone, but you’ve made
it one more flight you’ve come this far why stop now. You start that third and
final flight of stairs, now in your head you are Rocky “Eye of The Tiger”
playing in the background you have reached the top arms up raised to the sky
you’re the champion you can do anything!!
In reality, that damn third flight of stairs is more like climbing
Everest. Your legs are on fire and feel like they weigh a ton and they should…
I mean they are lifting your butt up each and every step. Your lungs are on fire and are in need of
oxygen. You would yell out for oxygen
that is if you could get enough to muster up a yell, but all that comes out is
a little whimper of defeat. Yes, you make it to the top and yes, your hands are
raised above your head, but that is only because you are lying on the ground
trying to catch your breath sweating like a stuck pig. Waving people on to just
step over you, and by chance if someone ask if they can help you, your first
response should be to tell them to call 911 because your heart is beating out
of your chest, but instead you ask them to get you a coke and a cinnamon bun
because well you just climbed three flights of stairs and your hungry and thirsty
and you might be lying on the floor for the next hour, its cool it’s
comfortable and really the only reason your not moving is because you can’t
feel anything from the waist down. Needless to say this might be the point when
you decide its time to work out and starting doing some cardio.
After your adventure up Everest AKA
the three flights of stairs you decide you are going to start your work out the
next morning. Then that annoying alarm clock goes off yelling at you saying “hey,
hey you need to get up and get your ass moving”. You throw back the cover to
find out out that’s snowing and freezing outside and your questioning why you
are up this early in the morning. You have to fight back the urge to lie back
down in the warm bed, then your remember that three flights of stairs just
kicked your fat ass and just like that your bed doesn’t look all that good…ok,
it still looks really good and nice, but again you just got your ass handed to
you by three flights of stairs….yes, be ashamed.
Now on to your work out, what
should it be? A work out program called Insanity. Now you just got out of bed
and the first thing you want to do is something called Insanity…really you have
to be freaking insane to even think about doing something called Insanity. Yet
you do it anyway why because you want to lose the weight and feel great about
yourself…and deep down you want to go back to those stairs and show them who is
boss…yeah its cool you can shit talk them once you make it to the top with out
killing yourself. Here you are armed with water feeling good about doing
Insanity and for the first five minuets of your work out your feeling great you
tell yourself you got this. Then ten minutes in you’re starting to feel the
burn but there is a part of you that is second-guessing what you’re doing, but
those stairs are in the back of your mind. Five more minutes yupp you know you
are insane and then water break and stretching. Then at the moment when you are
feeling the burn and starting to sweat you hear Sean T say ok good warm
up...WHAT!!! ARE YOUR EFFING KIDDING ME!!!!! And all of a sudden its like double
time the work out, this could be why they call it insanity. Yet you push yourself,
you rest a lot, might be a little light headed but those stairs are your
driving force, well that an the fact that yes I’m yelling at the people on TV
like they can hear me, but whatever its making me feel better as I’m slowly
sweating to death.
Soap Box Moment: I’m sorry but those people in the videos piss me
off! First of all NO ONE EVER LOOKS THAT
HAPPY WHEN THEY WORKOUT!!!!! If your
really working out that hard you’re not smiling you have more of that I’m
really concentrating on something important look on your face. Second real
people sweat, they don’t glow or glisten, if you’re doing something called
Insanity your ass is dripping sweat. Third, Hey ladies the 80’s called and said
they want their work out clothes, no one works out all the time in sports bars
and spandex, now you’re just showing off…eat a damn bloody burger. Fourth don’t
show me people who are already skinny and toned in these things. Give me some variety
show a fat person in there every now and again. Something that says, hey I was
fat before I did all this working out, I was able to start to look like
this…and yes eating right too, but point being show some fat people. I’m tired
of seeing the girls with the toned triceps and six pack abs, I want to see the
people with bat wings, pony kegs and things wiggling and jiggling when they
run. Ok I’m done
Finally your done, you made it through Insanity feeling
great you also look like you just survived a hurricane…yes you look like hell,
your sweaty and I’m sure you smell too, but its ok your losing the weight
rending the fat away which is why you could possible smell like bacon for a
while but its all good were getting in shape. Then you take that first step after
working out your knees give out in protest and I’m sure that if they could talk
they would be say “HELL NO BITCH!!!! did you just see what you did to us, not
only do we have to carry your fat ass around everyday but you just did that
Insanity work out, HELL NO!!!! Your on your own” Yet all of these pales in comparison
to the fact that you still had three flights of stairs kick your ass.
Couple things help during your workouts
- Find good music: A good play list up beat and strong it helps take your mind off of your workout.
- Do only what you can do: Everyone is different and thank god it would be a boring world if we were all the same.
- Challenge yourself: Everyday push yourself a little more…This also helps build character just in case you were wondering
- Just get up and do it: Even if you don’t think you can or don’t want to just get up and do it.
“Sometimes you just show up. A bit of failure can be the
best gift in the world” Jared Leto - yeah that’s the tweet I got from him
awhile ago, but in truth it has been a saying I hold on to, and when I feel I
can’t do something I still show up.
Tell next time
I would say fat girl out…but I rendered some fat away this
week sooo …
Smelling a little like bacon girl out.
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